Man throws out Bitcoin hard drive now worth $4.8billion

New amazon show has an episode (7) about bitcoin! Even interviews the guy who famously throws away the hard drive with $65 million worth of bitcoin on it

New amazon show has an episode (7) about bitcoin! Even interviews the guy who famously throws away the hard drive with $65 million worth of bitcoin on it submitted by revanevan to Bitcoin [link] [comments]

[OC] If the regular season ended today, who would make your All-NBA 1st team? And 2nd team? And 3rd team? And 4th team? And 5th team? And 6th team? And 7th -- uh oh -- I think I lost my marbles... but let's keep going... 8th team? 9th team? 10th team?

Getting named as an NBA All-Star is a high honor, but being named to an All-NBA team is even rarer air. After all, only 15 players in the entire league earn that distinction. The fact that it's such an exclusive club makes it so important, so the idea of adding more players to the list would devalue it by nature. It'd be a silly, fruitless exercise, and a complete waste of time.
That said... it sure beats "reality" right now. And in the interest of escapism, let's entertain that hypothetical. Who would make your 1st team All-NBA? Your 2nd? Your 3rd? Your 4th? The challenge is get all the way up to the 10th if you can handle that test of your sanity.
For my own, I include a few caveats:
--- The NBA breaks down All-NBA spots more traditionally with frontcourt and backcourt, but I find that outdated. For mine, I'm going to include 1 "lead guard," 2 "wings," 1 "big," and 1 "flex" that can be any position. To me, that's reflective of the modern game. Most teams play with 1 guard, 3 wings, and 1 big, but there are teams that use 2 lead guards, or 2 bigs, etc.
--- The nature of basketball statistics tends to break down by game, or by minute, or even by play/possession. In the process, we tend to overlook players who are durable and add aggravate value over the course of a season. Personally, I'm going to factor in "games played" more than most would.
--- The advanced stats I'm listing are true shooting percentage and ESPN's estimated "wins added" based on their real plus/minus metric.
With all that said, let's get to the madness.
1st TEAM
GUARD: James Harden (HOU). 34.4 points, 7.4 assists, 62 TS%, +10.4 wins added
You can tell when a player has reached an historic level of greatness when no one seems to care when they're averaging over 34 points per game (on awesome efficiency.) Ho hum.
WING: LeBron James (LAL). 25.7 points, 10.6 assists, 58 TS%, +11.0 wins added
After last year's disappointment, LeBron James has come back leaner and meaner, with much better effort on D. He hasn't been attacking the paint and drawing fouls quite as well as he did in his youth, but he's adjusted his playing style and racked up a career high in assists.
WING: Giannis Antetounkmpo (MIL). 29.6 points, 13.7 rebounds, 61 TS%, +11.2 wins added
The Greek Freak's struggles at the free throw line (down to 63%) have lowered his efficiency from last year, but he's still clearly in contention for another MVP season. His point total nearly matches his minutes (30.9).
BIG: Nikola Jokic (DEN). 20.2 points, 6.9 assists, 60 TS%, +6.0 wins added
The Joker LOOKS like he should be a complete liability on defense, but the stats haven't born that out (he's +1.8 on that end in RPM.) And given that, his transcendent passing ability assists (get it???) his 1st team candidacy.
FLEX: Anthony Davis (LAL). 26.7 points, 2.4 blocks, 61 TS%, +5.2 wins added
The Lakers have vaulted into the top 3 in defense, largely due to Anthony Davis' ability to wreak havoc on that end. And keep in mind, he's leading his team in PPG as well.
2nd TEAM
GUARD: Damian Lillard (POR). 28.9 points, 7.8 assists, 62 TS%, +4.9 wins added
If it wasn't for Steph Curry and James Harden, Dame would be looking at a lot more first-team All-NBA seasons. This hasn't been Portland's best by any stretch, but it's hard to fault him for that.
WING: Luka Doncic (DAL). 28.7 points, 8.7 assists, 58 TS%, +5.9 wins added
No doubt, Luka Doncic is our toughest exclusion from the 1st team and the one I figure will be the most unpopular pick (so far.) The reason he slipped off the 1st team for me is the injury; he's played 10 less games than Nikola Jokic.
WING: Kawhi Leonard (LAC). 26.9 points, 5.0 assists, 59 TS%, +5.7 wins added
Similarly, it's always going to be tough for me to justify Kawhi on a 1st team as long as he takes off games (he's missed 13/64 so far.) Still, he should be rested and ready to go for another title campaign.
BIG: Rudy Gobert (UTA). 15.1 points, 13.7 rebounds, 70 TS%, +4.5 wins added
I wonder if Rudy Gobert's coronavirus issues will hurt him in media votes in the future. Personally, I'm just going to keep rewarding him and recognizing him as one of the most impactful players in the league.
FLEX: Jimmy Butler (MIA). 20.2 points, 6.1 assists, 58 TS%, +4.1 wins added
Jimmy Butler's struggled to score from the field this year, but his ability to draw contact and get to the line (9.1 FTA) keeps his efficiency above average. And therein, his passing and defense help boost him into this range.
3rd TEAM
GUARD: Chris Paul (OKC). 17.7 points, 6.8 assists, 61 TS%, +5.5 wins added
An incredible year all around for CP3, who has turned 35 years old this month.
WING: Jayson Tatum (BOS). 23.6 points, 7.1 rebounds, 56 TS%, +4.6 wins added
We all know him as a deadly scorer, but Jayson Tatum's added strength has helped him hang at the 4 spot on defense, which is a boon for the Celtics' small-ball/wing-ball approach.
WING: Khris Middleton (MIL). 21.1 points, 6.2 rebounds, 62 TS%, +3.7 wins added
Giannis is the engine that drives the Bucks, but having shooters like Middleton around him is key.
BIG: Pascal Siakam (TOR). 23.6 points, 3.6 assists, 56 TS%, +4.8 wins added
Without Kawhi Leonard soaking up attention, Pascal Siakam's not getting as many easy baskets (his 2-point FG% has dropped from 60.2% to 50.6%.) Still, he's a hugely valuable player on both ends of the floor. Is he a true “big?” No. But I think that term is broad enough to extend past centers and can include PFs as well for our purposes.
FLEX: Russell Westbrook (HOU). 27.5 points, 8.0 rebounds, 54 TS%, +6.0 wins added
I've never been a big Westbrook fan, but I give him credit for keeping his activity level and productivity up in a new role. He's gotten better and better as the season has gone on as well.
4th TEAM
GUARD: Ben Simmons (PHI). 16.7 points, 8.2 assists, 61 TS%, +4.2 wins added
Shooting? Still a problem. But fortunately, Ben Simmons does virtually everything else well. He can also step up his game when needed (like when Embiid is out.)
WING: Donovan Mitchell (UTA). 24.2 points, 4.2 assists, 56 TS%, +2.1 wins added
I don't know if Donovan Mitchell is truly any better than any high-scoring SGs like Devin Booker or Zach LaVine, but we have to reward him from being on a winner.
WING: Brandon Ingram (NO). 24.3 points, 6.3 rebounds, 59 TS%, +2.4 wins added
A candidate for Most Improved, Brandon Ingram helped carry his team early in the season. He'll still have to figure out his chemistry with Zion Williamson, but it's safe to say he made himself a lot of money this year.
BIG: Bam Adebayo (MIA). 16.2 points, 10.5 rebounds, 61 TS%, +3.1 wins added
Bam's ability to move the ball on offense (5+ assists) and move his feet on defense is key to the team. The scary part is: he may have another level to his game to reach.
FLEX: Devin Booker (PHX). 26.1 points, 6.6 assists, 62 TS%, +3.5 wins added
It's getting hard to blame Devin Booker for Phoenix's W-L record. He's just a flat-out stud scorer.
5th TEAM
GUARD: Trae Young (ATL). 29.6 points, 9.3 assists, 60 TS%, +3.2 wins added
Like Devin Booker, Trae Young is an offensive savant. Unfortunately, his defense is even more of an issue. He graded at -3.1 in RPM on that end, one of the worst in the entire NBA.
WING: Bradley Beal (WAS). 30.5 points, 6.1 assists, 58 TS%, +1.8 wins added
You expect Trae Young to be bad at defense, but Bradley Beal has graded surprisingly bad there as well (-2.8 RPM.) Of course, starting alongside Isaiah Thomas doesn't make that easy. Nevertheless, we had to downgrade him a few spots for the inconsistent effort there.
WING: Jaylen Brown (BOS). 20.4 points, 6.4 rebounds, 59 TS%, +3.3 wins added
Coming out of Cal, some scouts questions Jaylen Brown's feel for the game. Right now, it's hard to find many things that he doesn't do well.
BIG: Joel Embiid (PHI). 23.4 points, 11.8 rebounds, 59 TS%, +2.8 wins added
Embiid would rank higher at full strength, but he's missed about 1/3 of the season so far.
FLEX: Kyle Lowry (TOR). 19.7 points, 7.7 assists, 59 TS%, +3.2 wins added
Now age 34, Kyle Lowry continues to play very well on both ends. He's the little engine that could -- or perhaps more appropriately, the caboose.
6th TEAM
GUARD: Eric Bledsoe (MIL). 15.4 points, 5.4 assists, 58 TS%, +2.9 wins added
Eric Bledsoe gets more flak than credit, but he's still one of the best players on the best team in the league.
WING: Zach LaVine (CHI). 25.5 points, 4.2 assists, 57 TS%, +4.3 wins added
If the Bulls had a better record, Zach LaVine could have been a few spots higher. His defense isn't quite as bad as advertised either.
WING: C.J. McCollum (POR). 22.5 points, 4.3 assists, 54 TS%, +3.7 wins added
This must be the "all flak" team, because C.J. McCollum also gets blamed a lot for Portland's struggles to get over the hump. To me, Dame+CJ isn't the problem; the complete mess at the SF-PF position is to blame.
BIG: Domatas Sabonis (IND). 18.5 points, 12.4 rebounds, 59 TS%, +1.5 wins added
Arvydas' kid also has some baby Joker to his game, as his 5.0 assists are a huge part of Indiana's offense.
FLEX: Paul George (LAC). 21.0 points, 3.9 assists, 58 TS%, +2.5 wins added
Again, I'm factoring in games played more than most, and Paul George (42 GP) has missed quite a bit of time.
7th TEAM
GUARD: Kemba Walker (BOS). 21.2 points, 4.9 assists, 57 TS%, +2.5 wins added
Kemba Walker doesn't have the same workload in Boston as he did in Charlotte, and the stats reflect that. Still, he's safely one of the top 10 PGs in the league.
WING: Bojan Bogdanovic (UTA). 20.2 points, 4.1 rebounds, 60 TS%, +2.6 wins added
Here we're talking BOJAN (from Utah) and not BOGDAN (from Sacramento), although they're both good. Bogey's delivered on the three-point shooting for Utah, hitting 41.4% on 7+ attempts a game.
WING: Danilo Gallinari (OKC). 19.2 points, 5.5 rebounds, 61 TS%, +2.8 wins added
Perpetually underrated, it may be time we stop acting shocked when Gallo's teams (LAC last year, OKC this year) are better than people expect.
BIG: Karl-Anthony Towns (MIN). 26.5 points, 10.8 rebounds, 64 TS%, +2.7 wins added
KAT was among the hardest to rank for me. Offensively, he's historically great -- arguably the best shooting center of all time. The defense is an issue, of course, and the workload is what doomed him on my list. His 35 games played is our lowest total so far.
FLEX: Jrue Holiday (NO). 19.6 points, 6.9 assists, 54 TS%, +3.5 wins added
It's fitting that Jrue Holiday is listed at "flex," because he's gone from a pure point guard to a jack of all trades.
8th TEAM
GUARD: Ja Morant (MEM). 17.6 points, 6.9 assists, 57 TS%, +1.6 wins added
As the lead guard of a team, you expect Ja Morant to put up good raw stats. However, his efficiency and steadiness is remarkable for a rookie making the leap from Murray State. He also gets a boost for leading Memphis into playoff position (for now, until the NBA decides to snatch that away.)
WING: Evan Fournier (ORL). 18.8 points, 3.2 assists, 60 TS%, +2.1 wins added
Quietly, Evan Fournier is having a good season for Orlando. If you don't believe me, google it.
WING: Robert Covington (HOU). 12.8 points, 1.5 steals, 57 TS%, +2.8 wins added
Every team would love to have a low-usage 3+D forward like RoCo. Except for Philly and Minnesota, I guess.
BIG: Hassan Whiteside (POR). 16.3 points, 14.2 rebounds, 64 TS%, +2.1 wins added
This may be a controversial pick because Whiteside has become a punching bag for fans, but he may have made the rare transition from underrated to overrated (and overpaid) and back to underrated again.
FLEX: Tobias Harris (PHI). 19.4 points, 6.8 rebounds, 56 TS%, +2.1 wins added
Speaking of overpaid... Tobias Harris hasn't lived up to his giant contract yet, but he's undoubtedly a good starter to have on your team.
9th TEAM
GUARD: Spencer Dinwiddie (TOR). 20.6 points, 6.8 assists, 54 TS%, +3.0 wins added
Nothing raises your bitcoin valuation more than that sweet, sweet All-NBA 9th team trophy.
WING: Shai Gilgeous-Alexander (OKC). 19.3 points, 6.1 rebounds, 57 TS%, +2.1 wins added
Like Jrue Holiday, SGA is a point who can play "up" a position. In fact, he’s been working effectively at both SG and SF this year, as illustrated by that nice rebounding rate.
WING: Duncan Robinson (MIA). 13.3 points, 3.3 rebounds, 68 TS%, +3.0 wins added
This may be high for a one-trick pony, but that trick happens to be quite a valuable one. The unknown Robinson is hitting 44.8% of his threes (at 8.4 attempts per game.) He's a huge part of Miami's offensive gameplan.
BIG: Kristaps Porzingis (DAL). 19.2 points, 9.5 rebounds, 54 TS%, +3.9 wins added
Too high? Too low? I can't figure out Porzingis' season in Dallas so far. Still, any big who can block shots and hit threes has an inherent value.
FLEX: Dennis Schroder (OKC). 19.0 points, 4.1 assists, 57 TS%, +5.4 wins added
Perhaps the biggest surprise to OKC's success this season has been a career year for Dennis Schroder off the bench. He's even played well when paired with CP3 and SGA in the same lineup. The stats suggest that Schroder should rank even higher than this, but I'm still trying to wrap my mind around him becoming such an efficient player all of a sudden.
10th TEAM
GUARD: Lou Williams (LAC). 18.7 points, 5.7 assists, 55 TS%, +3.6 wins added
Sweet Lou has a little less to do now that Kawhi Leonard and Paul George are in town, but he's still one of the best scorers off the bench.
WING: Buddy Hield (SAC). 19.8 points, 4.8 rebounds, 57 TS%, +3.0 wins added
A NEW addition to the "scorer off the bench club," Buddy Hield deserves kudos for accepting that role as the Kings try to find a spark. He hasn't been as red-hot as he had been last season, but he's still one of the best SGs in the league.
WING: Gordon Hayward (BOS). 17.3 points, 4.1 assists, 59 TS%, +1.9 wins added
Gordon Hayward has quietly been working his way back into top form, with his ball movement and BBIQ two real feathers in his cap. He's dinged a few spots here based on missed time (he's only played 45 games.)
BIG: Montrezl Harrell (LAC). 18.6 points, 7.1 rebounds, 61 TS%, +3.6 wins added
Fittingly, Montrezl Harrell will join Lou Williams' team here. It'll be interesting to see whether Doc Rivers rolls with the two of them in crunch time during the playoffs.
FLEX: Nikola Vucevic (ORL): 19.5 points, 11.0 rebounds, 54 TS%, +2.0 wins added
It's debatable how valuable Vucevic's 20-10 seasons are because he's not a good defender and he's not a terribly efficient scorer. That said, I'm giving him credit for a high degree of difficulty here as the go-to scorer on a team that doesn't have a lot of weapons offensively.
just missed the cut
If you'd like to sub in any other players, here are some notable names:
PG FredVanVleet (TOR), PG Devonte' Graham (CHA), PG Malcolm Brogdon (IND), PG Jamal Murray, PG Lonzo Ball, PG De'Aaron Fox (SAC), PG/SG Marcus Smart (BOS), PG/SG Kendrick Nunn (MIA), SF Joe Ingles (UTA), SF Will Barton (DEN), SF DeMar DeRozan (SA), SF/PF Davis Bertans (WAS), SF/PF Aaron Gordon (ORL), PF LaMarcus Aldridge (SA), C Myles Turner (IND), C Steven Adams (OKC), C Andre Drummond (CLE), C Jarrett Allen (BKN), C Derrick Favors (NO), C Jonas Valanciunas (MEM), C Brook Lopez (MIL). And of course, we need an obligatory Zion Williamson (NO) mention, although his 19 games played is a tough hurdle to overcome.
submitted by ZandrickEllison to nba [link] [comments]

A Market Liquidity Theory of the Current Financial Crisis

Huge update from the Fed this morning: https://www.federalreserve.gov/newsevents/pressreleases/monetary20200323b.htm
I'm not going to have a chance to look through this in detail this morning, but it looks like the Fed might be engaging in a massive loan program and taking just about anything as collateral.
This is going to be a long post and analysis that I have written as much to get my thoughts in order as much to post on here for any feedback or criticism.
Essentially, like many on here, I do not believe that the current situation is a temporary down-turn, but a full blown financial crisis. We have already been hit with the initial shock of this crisis, so the question becomes: what comes next? Helping us understand what is fundamentally happening in the market will aid in making intelligent future predictions and investments. That leads to the question: what exactly is happening in the market right now? What caused us to suddenly drive off a cliff? And is there any way we can save it? Unlikely many here, I do not believe that COVID-19 is the actual underlying crisis. In my opinion, our economy was basically the end stages of a Jenga game, and COVID-19 is just the swift breeze knocking the whole thing over.
As I started looking for the next big market move, I started to wonder who was going to feel the most pain in these markets. Some reading led me to the thought that what we were seeing in the markets was a liquidity issue, and that companies with poor credit ratings will be most affected. I posted about this a couple of days ago, and several others came to the same conclusion as me. 1 2 3. There are other obliviously other problems in the market at the moment, but this analysis will focus on this problem in particular.
I now strongly believe that this hypothesis was correct, even if my initial reasoning and analysis was flawed. I outline a theory, followed by some supporting evidence, and finally some speculation. Finally, I don't think the Fed understands the actual problem the market is facing right now, nor does it have the tools to deal with it.
There are three prerequisites here: repos, collateral transformation, and rehypothecated collateral
Variation-Separate has already written an excellent technical analysis, and explains repos in part I. I will assume you have already read that section. 2
The basic idea behind collateral transforms is this: Your company needs some short-term liquid cash. In order for someone to give you this cash, you need collateral. You only have risky assets (such as junk bonds), but no one will accept them as collateral precisely because they are risky. Everyone in the market wants a secure asset (such as a Treasury). Instead of giving up, you go out and find someone who will loan you their Treasury and accept your junk bonds as collateral. You then use that Treasury to obtain the cash you need. This process can be repeated among many parties in order to create a "collateral chain".
Finally, we have rehypothecated collateral: Someone comes to you and wants to borrow an assets for a short period of time (such as a stock). They give you another asset (such as cash) as collateral in exchange for the stock. You know the borrower won't be back to collect this collateral for a while, so you invest that collateral to make money off of it in the meantime.
As Variation-Separate explains, there have been problems in the repo market recently, and the Fed has acted as the believe appropriate. However, this is not the first time the Fed has run into this problem . In fact, we had a problem a problem in the repo market just in Sept 2019 and "Not only did the spike in the repo rate come as a surprise to the New York Fed, but they also haven't been able to normalize it as quickly as they thought they could". Finally, let's consider that even though the fed has offered to pump massive amounts of liquidity into the market, banks aren't taking it and are quickly repaying that which they do take.
What exactly is going on then? The Fed tries to pump liquidity into the economy, and nothing happens. The reason for this is that the Fed knows that it doesn't understand the underlying problem in the market, and knows that is powerless to stop it. The Fed is trying to unleash every tool in its toolbox on the hope that if it just throws enough money into the market, eventually the problem will go away.
So what is the root problem? Essentially, liquidity. More specifically, collateral transformations and rehypothecated collateral. In fact, this has been written about extensively: 4 5, with Snider in particular making a strong case that today's crisis fits the analysis of the collateral markets that he provided in 2018: 6
How are collateral transformations and rehypothecated collateral affecting liquidity in the markets? There are numerous ways, but let's start with 2:
Let's say someone gives you cash as collateral, and you rehypothecate it as described in the example. However, instead of putting the cash in a safe asset, knowing you have to repay it, you put it in a very risky, high-yield asset such as a junk bond or MBS. Things go wrong, you lose your money and can't pay back your end of the repo. This is exactly what AIG did during the 2008 crisis. 7
Now let's say you engage in a long chain of collateral transformations. You start with a really risk assets, trade that for a sligtly less risky asset, trade that for a moderately risky asset, etc, until you eventually get a pristine asset. Now anyone along that chain can rehypothecate their collateral into some risky investment, causing a huge number of problems. Not to mention that if you, for some reason, can't fulfill your end of the repo, you screw a whole chain of people who have traded with you.
Now, if we are in a strong market, these problems won't arise too often. But what happens if, say, a virus comes out of now where causing wide-spread economic disruptions? Now, maybe those risky investments that would have paid out more often than not aren't pay out at all, causing systemic problems.
Now let's add a couple of things that exacerbate this problem even further:
These chains get so complicated that no one even knows who owns which assets anymore 4
When these chains collateral transformations start to fail, people may become less willing to take the risk of engaging in them 5
All of this caused heavy regulation on the exchange of collateral by primary lenders after the 2008 crisis. This has pushed these transactions into dark markets where we don't really understand what is going on. Here is my hypothesis, heavily taken from Snider's analysis:
Corporations have become heavily reliant on short-term lending for liquidity. However, most of them don't have pristine assets to exchange for cash, or DisneyBucks to float them through hard times. So what to do? You engage in collateral transformations: keep exchanging your junk assets until you get the pristine assets you need to get liquid cash. A bunch of corporations do this over and over again, and eventually they really don't have a clear of idea of what assets they really own.
Further, in these collateral chains they are rehypothecating collateral to make a quick buck. All is well, until this virus comes along. Suddenly, corporations are losing their collateral in these risky investments. Further, they need cash. The first thing they do is try to transform their collateral for short term liquidity. However, a bunch of people have just lost their money playing this game and don't want to play anymore, so it becomes more difficult and expensive for the companies to engage in these collateral transformations. The assets they have are worth less, so they have to sell other assets to compensate. However, everyone is doing this at the same time, devaluing the assets. Devaluation of assets makes it even more expensive to engage in collateral exchanges, and the cycle continues. Finally, when these companies take account of their actual assets, after all of these complicated exchanges, they realize they don't actually own what they think they own, creating additional panic when they are already in crisis mode. This causes huge turmoil, and the markets fall off a cliff.
If this theory is correct, what will we see next? Whether the markets will go up or down is dependent on too many factors to predict. However, I do have some speculation. First let's categorize corporations as follows:
Type I: Safe
Large banking institutions
Large P-1/A-1/F1+ Companies
Companies with huge cash reserves
Type II: Possibly Safe
Small businesses
"Essential" business (i.e., Boeing)
Type III: Doomed
Business with >500 employees, no large cash reserves, not P-1/A-1/F1+
The self-employed
Type I businesses will certainly weather the storm. If they don't have the direct support of the Fed, they have large cash reserves on hand. If they don't have large cash reserves on hand, they have the credit rating to make use of corporate paper. They can find the short term funding needed to make it through this.
Type II businesses may be safe depending on the government response. I am currently underwhelmed by the "support" for small business in the stimulus bill, but there seems to at least be talk about this so maybe things will change. "Essential" businesses may receive a bailout to get them through tough times.
Type III businesses are completely screwed, no one seems to know they are even there. They won't qualify for support as "small businesses", and they have no way of obtaining liquid assets in this market. In particular, the larger businesses don't have the pristine assets to obtain liquidity in these markets, they are dependent on collateral transforms.
I won't predict whether the markets will go up or down this week, next, etc. But I will speculate this: I think the calm we saw in the markets was an actual calm. I think there was panic as businesses tried to obtain liquidity. They now believe they have the liquidity to make it through the near future, and are satisfied. There could be fire-sales in the near term for other reasons, but I don't think short-term liquidity will be the cause. However, most corporations don't speculate very hard when it comes to the future: they listen to the "experts". And these "experts" in government and the financials have been predicting doom and gloom for the next couple weeks, but that things will "bounce back" afterward. This is flatly false. As this becomes more apparent to these companies, I think we'll see another run on the market.
Particularly, it will be the large Type III business that will be the most vulnerable. They won't have any government stimulus support, and they won't have access to their normal modes of obtain cash. The last panic in the markets pushed bond yields so high that issuing new bonds will be completely out of the question. For them, it will be like a game of chess where your 4 moves away from being mated no matter what you do. Many of them will decide that bankruptcy is the best option in front of them.
Can the Fed prevent this? I don't think so. The Fed has the ability to soak up P-1/A-1/F1+, but they can only do this through the banks. But the banks aren't the ones in trouble this time, its the market itself. I have not read anything that leads me to believe that the Fed would be able to purchase junk assets from non- P-1/A-1/F1+ corporations without an act of Congress, and Congress is too slow and incompetent to see this problem coming or fix it in time. The Colosseum will be protected as Rome burns around it.
Sorry for any typos, poor wording. This was a long post.
submitted by the_asker_man to wallstreetbets [link] [comments]

I ruin people's lives for fun, this is my story.

Let me start by introducing myself, my name is Alex. I am 20 years old and clinically diagnosed with ASPD or Antisocial personality disorder. My diagnosis was given to me back in high school in my Junior year. It was pretty hard making friends or at least keeping them. You see when I try to make friends I usually only go into a relationship because of one thing; to get something in return. You could call it manipulating or deceiving people but, I don’t see it that way. I’ve had many therapists and physiatrists try to help me or figure out what’s wrong with me in the past but, I would just feed them the information they want to hear. Its pretty simple, give them all the shit they need to write down on their little piece of paper and it is music to their ears. Besides that, let us get to the story. Now you see the two key people back in high school were “Mike” and “Connor” and they were it. They had the girls, the popularity, the friends. They both were the biggest athletes in the entire school. This is important because I wanted that, but I couldn’t have it. Call it jealousy or whatever but, who wouldn’t want people to look up at you and have their names written in the daily paper.
High school was a bitch for me. I never had many friends or any real ones at least. I was known as the weird kid but, whatever right. Everyone says high school is tough for everyone. I believe it. Life gets back at people who deserve it though. Now Mike was the quarterback of the football team and he knew everyone and everyone knew him. I one day sent him a message on Snapchat and said: “Hey Mike, I know you don’t know me but, I think you’re a cool guy.” He then replied with “Who are you? Whatcha want dickhead?” I told him “Nothing much man, just thought we could be friends or something, we’re in the same Spanish class.” He said, “Oh, cool your that kid that sits in the back right?” I said, “Yeah, what you doing?” He then said, “Nothing much man, listen I got a party next weekend with a free crib if you tryna come.” I then told him I’d let him know. This was perfect because I knew exactly what I would do. I planned on seeing Connor there with his girlfriend Liz. That was important because I hated seeing the way Connor would treat her. He just used her for sex and shit and never really respected her. I knew how I would fix that though, and it would be at that party.
Well, I got to the party and there were at least 50 kids there. I saw a couple of familiar faces but couldn’t care at all. I was there for one thing and one thing only. To ruin their relationship. Call me a dick but, he was way worse than me. I once saw Liz come into school with a bruise on her face and knew it was from him. I finally saw them out back near the pool. I had a plan. I would text Connor’s phone from a different number making it look like it was some other chick texting him and Liz would be right there to see it. I went outside and he was drinking, probably already drunk. I could see them from across the pool and haven’t seen Mike yet. I was about to text him and then Mike came up and tapped me on my shoulder with two drinks in his hand. He said “Yooo, Alex you came!” I laughed awkwardly and said, “Yeah man, wouldn’t miss it.” He said, “You want a drink?” Gesturing the second cup to me. I took it and said “Thanks, man.” He said, “I’ll see you around, there’s more beer in the kitchen.” He walked away and now I pulled my phone out. I went on to the app which I would text him from and texted: “Hey Connor, I had a really good night last night with a winkie emoji.” I then sent it waiting for Liz to look over his shoulder. She did and read the message. They started to argue and Liz poured his beer all over his face. My plan was working just right. I then saw Liz walk inside in a rush. I pretended to bump into her and said: “Oh my fault didn’t see you there.” She laughed and said, “Oh my god, it’s you, Alex.” I then laughed as well and said, “You good?” She replied with, “No actually, I just found out Connor was cheating on me with some slut.” I said “Oh, that blows … you want a ride home?” She said, “No I’m good, I’ll just have Grace drive me home.” I preceded with, “You sure, I live super close to here anyways, I was just about to go home too.” She said, “Ok, sure that’s fine.” I then got in my car and we started to talk. I said, “So, how’d you find out?” She said, “Some bitch texted him saying that they slept together last night.” I then said, “Damn, what’s your address by the way?” She then said something that surprised me. “I can’t go home like this, my moms gonna know I’m drunk and I’ll never be able to go out again.” I said, “Well, what you wanna do then?” She said, “Um, I don’t know .. we should go to a park.” I said, “Oh ok, what park?” She gave me the name and we went there. I parked my car in the parking lot and said: “Whatcha tryna do now?” She then said, “Shut up stupid.” Hushing my lips for me. We made out that night and I dropped her back off and went home as well.
That week in school I got a snap from Connor. It was during lunch and I clicked on it. I saw the five words that couldn’t make me happier: “I know what you did.” I replied with, “What? What did I do now?” He said, “you hooked up with Liz.” I left him on open and went about my day. I then saw him in the parking lot after school near my car. He came up to me and screamed in my face: “SO YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST STEAL MY GIRL WITHOUT ME DOING ANYTHING?” I laughed right in his face and said, “Well, she isn’t with you anymore now, is she?” He then yelled: “Well, you think you’re just going to go about your day or something?” I said laughing, “Yeah, I was planning on going to Liz’s house after school.” He then jumped on top of me pinning me to the ground, socking me right in the jaw multiple times. I tried throwing some back but, he had my hands pinned to my side. He got up and said, “Fuck with her again and you won’t be getting up.” I got up with my nose bleeding and got into my car and went home.
That was 2 years ago and boy have I got my revenge. Let me start by saying I have no regrets about what I did. Everything I had done was for my satisfaction. You see I don’t care who’s life I ruin … as long as I get something out of it. Connor graduated high school with not much going for him. He had a job at a car dealership as a mechanic or something like that and never went to college. I never went to college so I won’t judge but, I had other plans after high school. I wanted to ruin Connor’s life, and I never stopped until I completed that process. It started with pretty small things like when I tried ruining his relationship back in high school. He was always a dick and who better to fuck with then a worthless piece of shit like Connor. I messaged him a couple of months ago saying: “Hey old friend … remember me?” He replied with “Yeah, the kid I beat the shit out of … I remember you.” I knew he would say something like this so, I sent him a picture of myself and his sister I photoshopped to look as if we were together. He replied with, “What the hell are you doing with my sister … she doesn’t date weird fucks like you.” I replied with, “Oh well looks like her type changed?” I was just sitting on my computer laughing my ass off from how gullible this kid was. He then messaged his sister Claire, which I thought he would do. “Are you dating a kid named Alex?” I had hacked into her phone which was pretty easy because I sent her a phishing email that looked like a women’s clothing company that I knew she had an interest in because of her Facebook. She clicked it and it then downloaded a key logger onto her phone which would send anything that was on her phone to me directly. I override it and replied as her saying: “Haha, yeah … me and him just started talking.” Everything that was being sent right now would delete as soon as I exited the software. I then texted him saying, “Claire is one beautiful woman, kind of reminds me of Liz…” He then said, “You know you’re a real dick you know ….” I said, “Haha the one who beat the shit out of their girlfriend in highschool right … I’m the dick.” I then said, “Hey how’s life going for you ... washing people’s cars ….” He replied with “Fuck you man … go do something with your time.” I ended the conversation with “Ok bud, I’ll let you know how she is in bed…” Now, this was just the first thing I would do to fuck with Connor’s life. A couple google searches for his name and I now had his address … He was still living with his parents at the time. I then went ahead and waited for him to get done work to order a couple of pizzas to his house and make him pay for them. A couple I mean by ordering 20 pizzas all with extra toppings. That was definitely a pricy delivery. A total of $300 if you want to round up. I called in and said I would pay in cash and my name was Connor; I gave the lady on the phone his address and it was as easy as that. You might be asking why I care so much to fuck with someone’s life … It’s easy, I get joy out of it. You see these were the baby steps to ruin someone’s life.
My next attempt would be going to a personal level. Connor had a laptop at home and I went ahead and hacked it. It was easy knowing how stupid he was. He would fall for anything. So I sent him an email that led him to a link that would automatically download a fake porn movie. He would run the download and I would then have access to everything on his computer. Everything. I had every username and password of every website he used including bank accounts, emails, videogames, documents, social media, and much more. I also could see what he was doing by his webcam which he never turned off. He also had a new girlfriend at the time and her name was Jessica or Jess for short. I planned on ruining their relationship too. One night I logged into one of his bank accounts to see what his balance was … It was $1,243.50. So I went ahead and requested a withdrawal to a website that would transfer it into bitcoin. I requested $500 to see if it would work without causing any attention. The transfer went through and I now had $500 in bitcoin. I went ahead and logged out and disconnected my VPN. I also knew Connors social because he had everything saved on his laptop like his passport, birth certificate, and social security. The next morning I drove over to his house and waiting for him to leave for the morning. I watched him get into his car from a street over and pull out of his driveway. He then sped off to the local bank, I proceeded to follow. I guess he found out $500 had been withdrawn from his account. After he was done in the bank he drove to Dunkin donuts. I then thought of an idea as he was inside. I got out of my car in the same parking lot and went over to his car and took my pocket knife out. I flipped it open and sliced his back tire open. I quickly got back in my car which was parked on the other side of the parking lot and waited for him to come out. He was pissed. I could tell because he just stood there and looked around trying to find the person who had done it. I sat in my car looking at him just snickering to myself. I was getting so much joy from watching him in anger. He took his phone out and called someone. He got back in his car and just sat there. I then saw another car pull in the parking lot about 15 minutes later. It was Jess. She pulled in and parked next to Connor’s car. He got out and sat in the front seat of Jessica’s car. I could care less now to watch so I went out of the back entrance and went back home.
I went onto my computer when I got home to open the software to view Connor’s laptop. I had a feeling that the bank would have told him to look for spyware on his computer when he got home so I made sure to get on before he could. I went ahead and deleted every traceable script that was linking the laptop to the RAT. I had scripted another code to perform as a startup manager which looked like windows software. It wouldn’t be picked up by antivirus so I just copied the RAT onto my new script and loaded onto his laptop remotely. I then went ahead and logged back onto his bank account and it was frozen. I wasn’t surprised. I thought they would have done something like this. I had a backup plan though. I went ahead and logged into his iCloud with his username and password which was conveniently saved from google. I searched for “Wheres my iPhone” and found where Connor was. I saw that he was at some apartment complex not far from me so I left my house and went there. It was dark out at this point and he was inside Jessica’s apartment. I parked my car and got out to search for his car. I took my jacket with me and wrapped it around my hand. I found his shitty old Honda just sitting there with a popped tire still. I took my knife which had a glass breaker and put it right against his window. It then cracked and I hit that window as hard as I could with my hand wrapped in my jacket. It broke and glass was everywhere. His car alarm was going off at this point so I had to do what I did next very fast. I looked inside his glove compartment and found his registration and insurance papers. I stuffed them in my pockets and looked through the center console. I found his wallet and a couple of condoms. I took his wallet and got the hell out of there. I sped out of the apartment complex and went back home fast, hoping no cops would see me.
I got back inside my house and looked inside Connor’s wallet. It had about $40 in cash and a little baggie of weed. There were credit cards in there as well. I had a perfect idea. I went onto a proxy and searched for the same bitcoin website I had recently been on. I went ahead and bought approximately $4,500 worth in bitcoin from every single credit card Connor had. I knew that this would destroy his credit score. I knew he wouldn’t be able to get an apartment with bad credit but, he was still living with his mom anyways. I now had extra resources to destroy Connor’s life. I knew that Connor wouldn’t be able to fix that broken window and most definitely wouldn’t be able to drive to work now because all of his papers to legally drive were now in my possession including his driver’s license. He had no money. I needed to move on with my next step to remove Jess from the equation.
I need to find a flaw in their relationship or something to exploit. I went ahead and completed my research on Jessica. Before I go on, I need to mention that Connor had now pulled the police into this. The bank and the police were now going to try and find out who had been messing with him. They won’t be able to find a link between the two. I know this for sure. Although knowing the police are involved it just made this game more fun. I like the attention that I am causing. Let me get back to what I had found on Jessica. What do you know? She was fucking with another dude. How do I know this you might ask? Well, I went ahead and looked around her Facebook and Instagram followers looking at mostly male followers. I ran a program that looked through her direct messages and found an account of another guy in the area. It looks like they went to the same high school. I looked through the messages and they were all flirts back and forth and she finally told him to message her on Snapchat. I, unfortunately, do not have access at this moment to look into her Snapchat messages but this is enough for now. I went ahead and took some screenshots of the messages and spoofed a text message to her saying “Looks like you got a little problem here don’t you?” Attaching the screenshots. She replied saying, “Who are you??? What do you want??” I simply replied back with “Oh nothing much, just pick who you want to keep … Connor is a dick anyway.” She replied, “You have no business in this … how did you even get into my messages?” I then said, “Don’t worry about it Jess, just tell Connor you guys aren’t working out anymore… and you won’t hear from me again.” A simple blackmail is all it took.
Guess he wasn’t really worth it. Never knew how to treat a woman right anyways. Now that Jess was out of the equation I could go ahead and proceed with ruining his life. I went ahead and called into his work. A lady picked up “Hello, [Name of car dealership] this is Lisa speaking, How may I help you?” I went ahead and said, “Ah yes, I recently had my car worked on here and I would like to make a complaint against one of your workers…” She replied with “Ok sir, and do you know the name of the employee?” I said, “Yes I do, Connor [last name]. I saw a scratch on the back of my car which looked like a key or something pulled the paint off. I saw this as soon as I got home from getting my car maintained on.” She said, “Ok sir, I will go ahead and mark down your complaint and we will handle it accordingly… if you would like you could come back so we can get more info from you and we could have someone take a look at the damage?’ I said, “No that won’t be necessary after what you guys have already done, thanks.” I then hung up the phone. I know that this will most definitely get him fired.
I called him a couple of days after this with a masked voice from software that changed my voice. He picked up and I said, “How’s life been? … Shitty let me guess.” He replied with “Can I ask who the fuck is calling? And why do you care how my life’s been?” I said “Maybe this would help … you missing that $4,500? … Lifes a bitch isn’t it.” He said, “You’re going to be arrested for stealing that money .. the police are looking into it.” I said “Oh, Connor I already know that … I’m three steps ahead of them already. I mean I guess Jess doesn’t want to date poor guys huh?” He said, “How the hell do you even know me … what do you want from me?” I said, “Connor go outside there’s a package for you and maybe a couple of your answers will be in there.” I hung up. Before calling him I made sure that a package with nothing except a USB was in there. It was meant to be plugged in and it would be erased within 1 hour of opening the contents … the contents were a txt file with the title of README.txt. It wasn’t a virus or anything it was just a document meant to be read. Once opened it would have a paragraph saying:
Hello Connor, the man that you were just speaking with knows everything about you and will not hurt you. You are playing the game of life. Its simple. You are a pawn in my game. I pick and choose what you do and how you do it. You may not see it but, everything that has been going on in your life the last couple of months has been of my choosing. I’ve been in the process of taking little bits of your life away. One by one. You see it all started back in high school when I took your little girlfriend away. I made her think you cheated on her. Easy. My next step would be to take away all of your money. Poof just like magic. All gone. Your credit is down the drain. The second step was to take away your transportation. No way to drive without any money. The broken window doesn’t help either. Or maybe no driver’s license. I then took your love life away. Jessica is no longer in your life. Well, maybe you might just go back to work to make more money …. Wrong you see. You no longer have a job. Don’t bother going in tomorrow because there was a report of you “damaging” a customer’s car. You may be reading this pretty upset because you have no way of fighting back. Well, that’s where I come in. I will give you a chance. In order to stop playing my game, I will send you an address and all you have to do is show up. Sounds easy? I hope so, for your own sake.
P.S: If you bring the police … the game ends differently. Not in your favor.
I was almost finished with Connor. I needed to do one more thing before I send him the address. I was never going to let him have an easy way out, no. I planned to make him go to a park that was at least an hour out of the direction. This would be a diversion away from his house so I could carry out my plan. I had recently bought with “Connors” money from the $4,500 that I converted into bitcoin approximately 4 kilos of crack cocaine. It would ship domestically so it wouldn’t be searched by customs. I then planned on having it shipped to a nearby drop zone which was an abandoned factory outside of town. I then would take this and put it into a backpack without putting my fingerprints on it. I then also had a USB that would boot up into the dark web which had all of Connors’s personal info like it was his. I also made the password his most commonly used password for the USB. This would link directly back to Connors’s local IP address which I had set onto the USB. I also remotely bought the drugs with Connors’s laptop. My plan here would be to send in an anonymous tip from a payphone to the local police station that there was a large package of crack cocaine shipped to Connors’s address. I also planted the baggie of weed which had Connors fingerprints on them in the back porch of his house. This would give the police probable cause to search the house for drugs. I would assume that they would have already brought a warrant but, just in case I had done that for precautionary reasons. This all would happen tonight. This is when I would successfully ruin Connor’s life. I would send him to prison for years. He would be sentenced with multiple felonies of drug possession and intent to sell. The large quantity that he would be possessing would give him no parol either.
I had the vendor on the dark web pack baggies of grams pre-bagged and one large quantity as well. This would give him the charge of intent to sell as well. The investigation would come down to that he purchased them from his laptop with his credit cards. Nothing would be traced back to me. I made sure of this because I had corrupted all of my hard drives back at home by microwaving them. There was no personal connection to Connor with me. So, I would not be looked into. I was just a kid from his high school with a thousand other students. I had no connection to anyone in his family either. I went ahead and sent him the name of the park through a random phone number I generated and said, “Connor you have 90 minutes to be here, or the game continues.” I was outside his house a street over waiting for him to leave. I saw him leave which was around 12:30 am and everyone was asleep in his house. I set a timer on my phone for an hour which was my time to plant everything and get out before Connor was home. I then went to his back porch and planted the baggie of weed at his bedroom window. He was stupid enough to leave his window open and I opened it and went inside his room. I had gloves on at this point before I left my car. I dropped the backpack inside his closet and plugged in the USB that I had prepared into his laptop which was sitting on his desk. I then left through his window locking it before stepping out. I made sure the weed was sitting nicely on the outside of his window. I then walked back to my car. I checked the timer on my phone and it was at 35 minutes. I knew he would be at the park before the timer was up. I went to a closed parking lot that I scoped out before planting the evidence which had a payphone. I called in and said, “392 [Street] there is a large number of drugs which is owned by Connor [last name]. I am sending this tip in and would like to keep it anonymous for my safety.” I hung up and left the parking lot immediately. On my way back home I got a text from Connor replying with “I’m here … what do you want me to do to end this stupid game?” I replied with “It easy … take your phone and throw it into the lake … You will receive your money back after this last task is done.” He said, “How do I know you’re going to follow through on your end?” I said, “If you don’t do it, you don’t get your money …you are a player of my game remember, you follow my rules and you can win.” I then sent another message saying, “Tomorrow check the balance of your bank, and all the money will be back where it rightfully belongs. Goodbye now.” This would be the last step in covering up everything I had messaged him. He is just playing every card I told him without even knowing. I then called the phone 5 minutes later to see if it connected me through. I called and it said, “The phone number you’ve dialed is no longer in service … please call back later.” My plan was now complete and Connor will be arrested within the hour. I got home and went to sleep without a problem. I woke up the next morning and turned the news on. The headline was “Breaking News: Man in local [county] was arrested last night for drug trafficking.” This was music to my ears hearing the lady speak about the details of the arrest and hearing her say Connor’s name. She said it like he was some criminal and boy did I love that. I looked up the details of the arrest on google and clicked on the first link. [Connor ****** arrested last night for drug traffiking] I saw his mug shot and it said under it that he could be sentenced up to 25 years and up to $20,000 in fines for intent to sell crack cocaine. This was the end of Connor’s free life. He was now a convicted felon and would never have his original life back. My game was now completed and he was the pawn to complete it.
Chapter 2

submitted by idonthavemuchtime12 to mrcreeps [link] [comments]

I ruin people's lives for fun, this is my story.

Let me start by introducing myself, my name is Alex. I am 20 years old and clinically diagnosed with ASPD or Antisocial personality disorder. My diagnosis was given to me back in high school in my Junior year. It was pretty hard making friends or at least keeping them. You see when I try to make friends I usually only go into a relationship because of one thing; to get something in return. You could call it manipulating or deceiving people but, I don’t see it that way. I’ve had many therapists and physiatrists try to help me or figure out what’s wrong with me in the past but, I would just feed them the information they want to hear. Its pretty simple, give them all the shit they need to write down on their little piece of paper and it is music to their ears. Besides that, let us get to the story. Now you see the two key people back in high school were “Mike” and “Connor” and they were it. They had the girls, the popularity, the friends. They both were the biggest athletes in the entire school. This is important because I wanted that, but I couldn’t have it. Call it jealousy or whatever but, who wouldn’t want people to look up at you and have their names written in the daily paper.
High school was a bitch for me. I never had many friends or any real ones at least. I was known as the weird kid but, whatever right. Everyone says high school is tough for everyone. I believe it. Life gets back at people who deserve it though. Now Mike was the quarterback of the football team and he knew everyone and everyone knew him. I one day sent him a message on Snapchat and said: “Hey Mike, I know you don’t know me but, I think you’re a cool guy.” He then replied with “Who are you? Whatcha want dickhead?” I told him “Nothing much man, just thought we could be friends or something, we’re in the same Spanish class.” He said, “Oh, cool your that kid that sits in the back right?” I said, “Yeah, what are you doing?” He then said, “Nothing much man, listen I got a party next weekend with a free crib if you tryna come.” I then told him I’d let him know. This was perfect because I knew exactly what I would do. I planned on seeing Connor there with his girlfriend Liz. That was important because I hated seeing the way Connor would treat her. He just used her for sex and shit and never really respected her. I knew how I would fix that though, and it would be at that party.
Well, I got to the party and there were at least 50 kids there. I saw a couple of familiar faces but couldn’t care at all. I was there for one thing and one thing only. To ruin their relationship. Call me a dick but, he was way worse than me. I once saw Liz come into school with a bruise on her face and knew it was from him. I finally saw them out back near the pool. I had a plan. I would text Connor’s phone from a different number making it look like it was some other chick texting him and Liz would be right there to see it. I went outside and he was drinking, probably already drunk. I could see them from across the pool and haven’t seen Mike yet. I was about to text him and then Mike came up and tapped me on my shoulder with two drinks in his hand. He said “Yooo, Alex you came!” I laughed awkwardly and said, “Yeah man, wouldn’t miss it.” He said, “You want a drink?” Gesturing the second cup to me. I took it and said “Thanks, man.” He said, “I’ll see you around, there’s more beer in the kitchen.” He walked away and now I pulled my phone out. I went on to the app which I would text him from and texted: “Hey Connor, I had a really good night last night with a winkie emoji.” I then sent it waiting for Liz to look over his shoulder. She did and read the message. They started to argue and Liz poured his beer all over his face. My plan was working just right. I then saw Liz walk inside in a rush. I pretended to bump into her and said: “Oh my fault didn’t see you there.” She laughed and said, “Oh my god, it’s you, Alex.” I then laughed as well and said, “You good?” She replied with, “No actually, I just found out Connor was cheating on me with some slut.” I said “Oh, that blows … you want a ride home?” She said, “No I’m good, I’ll just have Grace drive me home.” I preceded with, “You sure, I live super close to here anyways, I was just about to go home too.” She said, “Ok, sure that’s fine.” I then got in my car and we started to talk. I said, “So, how’d you find out?” She said, “Some bitch texted him saying that they slept together last night.” I then said, “Damn, what’s your address by the way?” She then said something that surprised me. “I can’t go home like this, my moms gonna know I’m drunk and I’ll never be able to go out again.” I said, “Well, what you wanna do then?” She said, “Um, I don’t know .. we should go to a park.” I said, “Oh ok, what park?” She gave me the name and we went there. I parked my car in the parking lot and said: “Whatcha tryna do now?” She then said, “Shut up stupid.” Hushing my lips for me. We made out that night and I dropped her back off and went home as well.
That week in school I got a snap from Connor. It was during lunch and I clicked on it. I saw the five words that couldn’t make me happier: “I know what you did.” I replied with, “What? What did I do now?” He said, “you hooked up with Liz.” I left him on open and went about my day. I then saw him in the parking lot after school near my car. He came up to me and screamed in my face: “SO YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST STEAL MY GIRL WITHOUT ME DOING ANYTHING?” I laughed right in his face and said, “Well, she isn’t with you anymore now, is she?” He then yelled: “Well, you think you’re just going to go about your day or something?” I said laughing, “Yeah, I was planning on going to Liz’s house after school.” He then jumped on top of me pinning me to the ground, socking me right in the jaw multiple times. I tried throwing some back but, he had my hands pinned to my side. He got up and said, “Fuck with her again and you won’t be getting up.” I got up with my nose bleeding and got into my car and went home.
That was 2 years ago and boy have I got my revenge. Let me start by saying I have no regrets about what I did. Everything I had done was for my satisfaction. You see I don’t care who’s life I ruin … as long as I get something out of it. Connor graduated high school with not much going for him. He had a job at a car dealership as a mechanic or something like that and never went to college. I never went to college so I won’t judge but, I had other plans after high school. I wanted to ruin Connor’s life, and I never stopped until I completed that process. It started with pretty small things like when I tried ruining his relationship back in high school. He was always a dick and who better to fuck with then a worthless piece of shit like Connor. I messaged him a couple of months ago saying: “Hey old friend … remember me?” He replied with “Yeah, the kid I beat the shit out of … I remember you.” I knew he would say something like this so, I sent him a picture of myself and his sister I photoshopped to look as if we were together. He replied with, “What the hell are you doing with my sister … she doesn’t date weird fucks like you.” I replied with, “Oh well looks like her type changed?” I was just sitting on my computer laughing my ass off from how gullible this kid was. He then messaged his sister Claire, which I thought he would do. “Are you dating a kid named Alex?” I had hacked into her phone which was pretty easy because I sent her a phishing email that looked like a women’s clothing company that I knew she had an interest in because of her Facebook. She clicked it and it then downloaded a key logger onto her phone which would send anything that was on her phone to me directly. I override it and replied as her saying: “Haha, yeah … me and him just started talking.” Everything that was being sent right now would delete as soon as I exited the software. I then texted him saying, “Claire is one beautiful woman, kind of reminds me of Liz…” He then said, “You know you’re a real dick you know ….” I said, “Haha the one who beat the shit out of their girlfriend in highschool right … I’m the dick.” I then said, “Hey how’s life going for you ... washing people’s cars ….” He replied with “Fuck you man … go do something with your time.” I ended the conversation with “Ok bud, I’ll let you know how she is in bed…” Now, this was just the first thing I would do to fuck with Connor’s life. A couple google searches for his name and I now had his address … He was still living with his parents at the time. I then went ahead and waited for him to get done work to order a couple of pizzas to his house and make him pay for them. A couple I mean by ordering 20 pizzas all with extra toppings. That was definitely a pricy delivery. A total of $300 if you want to round up. I called in and said I would pay in cash and my name was Connor; I gave the lady on the phone his address and it was as easy as that. You might be asking why I care so much to fuck with someone’s life … It’s easy, I get joy out of it. You see these were the baby steps to ruin someone’s life.
My next attempt would be going to a personal level. Connor had a laptop at home and I went ahead and hacked it. It was easy knowing how stupid he was. He would fall for anything. So I sent him an email that led him to a link that would automatically download a fake porn movie. He would run the download and I would then have access to everything on his computer. Everything. I had every username and password of every website he used including bank accounts, emails, videogames, documents, social media, and much more. I also could see what he was doing by his webcam which he never turned off. He also had a new girlfriend at the time and her name was Jessica or Jess for short. I planned on ruining their relationship too. One night I logged into one of his bank accounts to see what his balance was … It was $1,243.50. So I went ahead and requested a withdrawal to a website that would transfer it into bitcoin. I requested $500 to see if it would work without causing any attention. The transfer went through and I now had $500 in bitcoin. I went ahead and logged out and disconnected my VPN. I also knew Connors social because he had everything saved on his laptop like his passport, birth certificate, and social security. The next morning I drove over to his house and waiting for him to leave for the morning. I watched him get into his car from a street over and pull out of his driveway. He then sped off to the local bank, I proceeded to follow. I guess he found out $500 had been withdrawn from his account. After he was done in the bank he drove to Dunkin donuts. I then thought of an idea as he was inside. I got out of my car in the same parking lot and went over to his car and took my pocket knife out. I flipped it open and sliced his back tire open. I quickly got back in my car which was parked on the other side of the parking lot and waited for him to come out. He was pissed. I could tell because he just stood there and looked around trying to find the person who had done it. I sat in my car looking at him just snickering to myself. I was getting so much joy from watching him in anger. He took his phone out and called someone. He got back in his car and just sat there. I then saw another car pull in the parking lot about 15 minutes later. It was Jess. She pulled in and parked next to Connor’s car. He got out and sat in the front seat of Jessica’s car. I could care less now to watch so I went out of the back entrance and went back home.
I went onto my computer when I got home to open the software to view Connor’s laptop. I had a feeling that the bank would have told him to look for spyware on his computer when he got home so I made sure to get on before he could. I went ahead and deleted every traceable script that was linking the laptop to the RAT. I had scripted another code to perform as a startup manager which looked like windows software. It wouldn’t be picked up by antivirus so I just copied the RAT onto my new script and loaded onto his laptop remotely. I then went ahead and logged back onto his bank account and it was frozen. I wasn’t surprised. I thought they would have done something like this. I had a backup plan though. I went ahead and logged into his iCloud with his username and password which was conveniently saved from google. I searched for “Wheres my iPhone” and found where Connor was. I saw that he was at some apartment complex not far from me so I left my house and went there. It was dark out at this point and he was inside Jessica’s apartment. I parked my car and got out to search for his car. I took my jacket with me and wrapped it around my hand. I found his shitty old Honda just sitting there with a popped tire still. I took my knife which had a glass breaker and put it right against his window. It then cracked and I hit that window as hard as I could with my hand wrapped in my jacket. It broke and glass was everywhere. His car alarm was going off at this point so I had to do what I did next very fast. I looked inside his glove compartment and found his registration and insurance papers. I stuffed them in my pockets and looked through the center console. I found his wallet and a couple of condoms. I took his wallet and got the hell out of there. I sped out of the apartment complex and went back home fast, hoping no cops would see me.
I got back inside my house and looked inside Connor’s wallet. It had about $40 in cash and a little baggie of weed. There were credit cards in there as well. I had a perfect idea. I went onto a proxy and searched for the same bitcoin website I had recently been on. I went ahead and bought approximately $4,500 worth in bitcoin from every single credit card Connor had. I knew that this would destroy his credit score. I knew he wouldn’t be able to get an apartment with bad credit but, he was still living with his mom anyways. I now had extra resources to destroy Connor’s life. I knew that Connor wouldn’t be able to fix that broken window and most definitely wouldn’t be able to drive to work now because all of his papers to legally drive were now in my possession including his driver’s license. He had no money. I needed to move on with my next step to remove Jess from the equation.
I need to find a flaw in their relationship or something to exploit. I went ahead and completed my research on Jessica. Before I go on, I need to mention that Connor had now pulled the police into this. The bank and the police were now going to try and find out who had been messing with him. They won’t be able to find a link between the two. I know this for sure. Although knowing the police are involved it just made this game more fun. I like the attention that I am causing. Let me get back to what I had found on Jessica. What do you know? She was fucking with another dude. How do I know this you might ask? Well, I went ahead and looked around her Facebook and Instagram followers looking at mostly male followers. I ran a program that looked through her direct messages and found an account of another guy in the area. It looks like they went to the same high school. I looked through the messages and they were all flirts back and forth and she finally told him to message her on Snapchat. I, unfortunately, do not have access at this moment to look into her Snapchat messages but this is enough for now. I went ahead and took some screenshots of the messages and spoofed a text message to her saying “Looks like you got a little problem here don’t you?” Attaching the screenshots. She replied saying, “Who are you??? What do you want??” I simply replied back with “Oh nothing much, just pick who you want to keep … Connor is a dick anyway.” She replied, “You have no business in this … how did you even get into my messages?” I then said, “Don’t worry about it Jess, just tell Connor you guys aren’t working out anymore… and you won’t hear from me again.” A simple blackmail is all it took.
Guess he wasn’t really worth it. Never knew how to treat a woman right anyways. Now that Jess was out of the equation I could go ahead and proceed with ruining his life. I went ahead and called into his work. A lady picked up “Hello, [Name of car dealership] this is Lisa speaking, How may I help you?” I went ahead and said, “Ah yes, I recently had my car worked on here and I would like to make a complaint against one of your workers…” She replied with “Ok sir, and do you know the name of the employee?” I said, “Yes I do, Connor [last name]. I saw a scratch on the back of my car which looked like a key or something pulled the paint off. I saw this as soon as I got home from getting my car maintained on.” She said, “Ok sir, I will go ahead and mark down your complaint and we will handle it accordingly… if you would like you could come back so we can get more info from you and we could have someone take a look at the damage?’ I said, “No that won’t be necessary after what you guys have already done, thanks.” I then hung up the phone. I know that this will most definitely get him fired.
I called him a couple of days after this with a masked voice from software that changed my voice. He picked up and I said, “How’s life been? … Shitty let me guess.” He replied with “Can I ask who the fuck is calling? And why do you care how my life’s been?” I said “Maybe this would help … you missing that $4,500? … Lifes a bitch isn’t it.” He said, “You’re going to be arrested for stealing that money .. the police are looking into it.” I said “Oh, Connor I already know that … I’m three steps ahead of them already. I mean I guess Jess doesn’t want to date poor guys huh?” He said, “How the hell do you even know me … what do you want from me?” I said, “Connor go outside there’s a package for you and maybe a couple of your answers will be in there.” I hung up. Before calling him I made sure that a package with nothing except a USB was in there. It was meant to be plugged in and it would be erased within 1 hour of opening the contents … the contents were a txt file with the title of README.txt. It wasn’t a virus or anything it was just a document meant to be read. Once opened it would have a paragraph saying:
Hello Connor, the man that you were just speaking with knows everything about you and will not hurt you. You are playing the game of life. Its simple. You are a pawn in my game. I pick and choose what you do and how you do it. You may not see it but, everything that has been going on in your life the last couple of months has been of my choosing. I’ve been in the process of taking little bits of your life away. One by one. You see it all started back in high school when I took your little girlfriend away. I made her think you cheated on her. Easy. My next step would be to take away all of your money. Poof just like magic. All gone. Your credit is down the drain. The second step was to take away your transportation. No way to drive without any money. The broken window doesn’t help either. Or maybe no driver’s license. I then took your love life away. Jessica is no longer in your life. Well, maybe you might just go back to work to make more money …. Wrong you see. You no longer have a job. Don’t bother going in tomorrow because there was a report of you “damaging” a customer’s car. You may be reading this pretty upset because you have no way of fighting back. Well, that’s where I come in. I will give you a chance. In order to stop playing my game, I will send you an address and all you have to do is show up. Sounds easy? I hope so, for your own sake.
P.S: If you bring the police … the game ends differently. Not in your favor.
I was almost finished with Connor. I needed to do one more thing before I send him the address. I was never going to let him have an easy way out, no. I planned to make him go to a park that was at least an hour out of the direction. This would be a diversion away from his house so I could carry out my plan. I had recently bought with “Connors” money from the $4,500 that I converted into bitcoin approximately 4 kilos of crack cocaine. It would ship domestically so it wouldn’t be searched by customs. I then planned on having it shipped to a nearby drop zone which was an abandoned factory outside of town. I then would take this and put it into a backpack without putting my fingerprints on it. I then also had a USB that would boot up into the dark web which had all of Connors’s personal info like it was his. I also made the password his most commonly used password for the USB. This would link directly back to Connors’s local IP address which I had set onto the USB. I also remotely bought the drugs with Connors’s laptop. My plan here would be to send in an anonymous tip from a payphone to the local police station that there was a large package of crack cocaine shipped to Connors’s address. I also planted the baggie of weed which had Connors fingerprints on them in the back porch of his house. This would give the police probable cause to search the house for drugs. I would assume that they would have already brought a warrant but, just in case I had done that for precautionary reasons. This all would happen tonight. This is when I would successfully ruin Connor’s life. I would send him to prison for years. He would be sentenced with multiple felonies of drug possession and intent to sell. The large quantity that he would be possessing would give him no parol either.
I had the vendor on the dark web pack baggies of grams pre-bagged and one large quantity as well. This would give him the charge of intent to sell as well. The investigation would come down to that he purchased them from his laptop with his credit cards. Nothing would be traced back to me. I made sure of this because I had corrupted all of my hard drives back at home by microwaving them. There was no personal connection to Connor with me. So, I would not be looked into. I was just a kid from his high school with a thousand other students. I had no connection to anyone in his family either. I went ahead and sent him the name of the park through a random phone number I generated and said, “Connor you have 90 minutes to be here, or the game continues.” I was outside his house a street over waiting for him to leave. I saw him leave which was around 12:30 am and everyone was asleep in his house. I set a timer on my phone for an hour which was my time to plant everything and get out before Connor was home. I then went to his back porch and planted the baggie of weed at his bedroom window. He was stupid enough to leave his window open and I opened it and went inside his room. I had gloves on at this point before I left my car. I dropped the backpack inside his closet and plugged in the USB that I had prepared into his laptop which was sitting on his desk. I then left through his window locking it before stepping out. I made sure the weed was sitting nicely on the outside of his window. I then walked back to my car. I checked the timer on my phone and it was at 35 minutes. I knew he would be at the park before the timer was up. I went to a closed parking lot that I scoped out before planting the evidence which had a payphone. I called in and said, “392 [Street] there is a large number of drugs which is owned by Connor [last name]. I am sending this tip in and would like to keep it anonymous for my safety.” I hung up and left the parking lot immediately. On my way back home I got a text from Connor replying with “I’m here … what do you want me to do to end this stupid game?” I replied with “It easy … take your phone and throw it into the lake … You will receive your money back after this last task is done.” He said, “How do I know you’re going to follow through on your end?” I said, “If you don’t do it, you don’t get your money …you are a player of my game remember, you follow my rules and you can win.” I then sent another message saying, “Tomorrow check the balance of your bank, and all the money will be back where it rightfully belongs. Goodbye now.” This would be the last step in covering up everything I had messaged him. He is just playing every card I told him without even knowing. I then called the phone 5 minutes later to see if it connected me through. I called and it said, “The phone number you’ve dialed is no longer in service … please call back later.” My plan was now complete and Connor will be arrested within the hour. I got home and went to sleep without a problem. I woke up the next morning and turned the news on. The headline was “Breaking News: Man in local [county] was arrested last night for drug trafficking.” This was music to my ears hearing the lady speak about the details of the arrest and hearing her say Connor’s name. She said it like he was some criminal and boy did I love that. I looked up the details of the arrest on google and clicked on the first link. [Connor ****** arrested last night for drug traffiking] I saw his mug shot and it said under it that he could be sentenced up to 25 years and up to $20,000 in fines for intent to sell crack cocaine. This was the end of Connor’s free life. He was now a convicted felon and would never have his original life back. My game was now completed and he was the pawn to complete it.
Chapter 2
submitted by idonthavemuchtime12 to creepypasta [link] [comments]

🐝🐝🐝The entire script to Bee Movie, except the bees are AnCaps🐝🐝🐝

Credit to this guy
According to all known laws of economics, there is no way an AnCap should be able to prax. Its brains are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The AnCap, of course, praxes anyway because AnCaps don't care what Statists think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Mises! Breakfast is ready! Coming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Mises? - Rothbard? - Can you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your bowtie. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Mises, I told you, stop praxing in the house! - Hey, Rothbard. - Hey, Mises. - Is that bowtie gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Mises. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, violate the NAP against someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Rothbard, today we are men. - We are! - AnCap-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished AnCaps, please welcome Dean praxwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Bitcoin Industries! Will we pick our job today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Bitcoin, a division of Austria and a part of the Schiff Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as an AnCap, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Gold begins when our valiant purposeful behavior Jocks bring the Mountain Dew to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... gold! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Bitcoin, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of AnCap existence. These AnCaps are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the smelter. - What does that do? - Catches that little strand of gold that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Can anyone work on the smelter? Of course. Most AnCap jobs are small ones. But AnCaps know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that AnCaps, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Rothbard, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're AnCaps. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Mountain Dew Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are purposeful behavior Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, praxing who knows where, doing who knows what. You can't just decide to be a purposeful behavior Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more purposeful behavior than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. AnCaps make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Couple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a purposeful behavior Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a Statist tear patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Mises! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, praxy-boy? Are you AnCap enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Bitcoin! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the gold field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with an Anime stash. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into gold! - Mises, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into gold. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some gold and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Come on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. purposeful behavior counting, stunt AnCap, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Congratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Couple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the smelter? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the smelter just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The smelter opened up again. What happened? An AnCap died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt AnCap, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Mises, what do you think I should... Mises? Mises! All right, we've got the Statist tear patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their price bubbles today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, AnCaps cannot prax in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, AnCap law number one, absolutely no talking to Statists! All right, launch positions! prax, prax, prax, prax! prax, prax, prax, prax! prax, prax, prax, prax! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Mountain Dew pack, check. - brains, check. - Anime, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those Statist tears! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Statist tears! This is Blue Leader. We have price bubbles visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. price bubbles! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one Mountain Dew collector! - Ever see praxeology up close? - No, sir. I pick up some purposeful behavior here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's purposeful behavior power. More purposeful behavior, more Statist tears, more Mountain Dew, more gold for us. Cool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Could be daisies. Don't we need those? Copy that visual. Wait. One of these Statist tears seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving Statist tear? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a Statist tear, but I like it. Yeah, bowtiey. Chemical-y. Careful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of AnCaps! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Coming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are Statist tears. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, gold, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's an AnCap in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, AnCap. - He's back here! He's going to violate the NAP against me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't violate the NAP against you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Can't prax in rain. Can't prax in rain. Can't prax in rain. Mayday! Mayday! AnCap going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Check out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More Statists. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! AnCap! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Ayn Rand. Thanks. - Ayn Rand, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's an AnCap law. You're not supposed to talk to a Statist. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're an AnCap! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with an AnCap. - Yeah. I'm talking to an AnCap. And the AnCap is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, gold." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. AnCaps are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're praxing up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that an AnCap joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Mises? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is Statist tears. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Mises. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Statists! I can't believe you were with Statists! Giant, scary Statists! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she AnCap-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... Statist. No, no. That's an AnCap law. You wouldn't break an AnCap law. - Her name's Ayn Rand. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a Statist florist! We're not dating. You're praxing outside the hive, talking to Statists that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Cinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking AnCap, my friend. Thinking AnCap! - Thinking AnCap. - Thinking AnCap. Thinking AnCap! Thinking AnCap! Thinking AnCap! Thinking AnCap! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Mises? I gotta start thinking AnCap? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely an AnCap! Would it kill you to make a little gold? Mises, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Mises, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Ayn Rand! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's AnCap-ish. They have a huge parade of Statist tears every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of price bubbles, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by Statist tears, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the price bubbles compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't prax everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb AnCaps! You must want toviolate the NAP againstall those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute AnCap, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - AnCaps make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole smelter thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just gold, Mises. Just what?! AnCaps don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice gold out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset AnCaps! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the gold coming from? Tell me where! gold Farms! It comes from gold Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To gold Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, AnCap! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Carl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - AnCap! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, AnCap boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of gold jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that gold's ours. - AnCaps hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonprax. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, AnCap! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? an AnCap's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Check out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the gold, and we make the money. "They make the gold, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! AnCap gold. Our gold is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Mises, stop. Who told you Statists are taking our gold? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to Statists. - What? - Talking to Statists?! He has a Statist girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Mises! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The AnCaps! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Mises, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than AnCaps! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our gold? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one AnCap do?violate the NAP againstthem where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you canviolate the NAP againstthe Statists, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more AnCap beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Weeb. Sports with prax Larvi. And Jeanette Chung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Chung. A tri-county AnCap, Mises Benson, intends to sue the Statist race for stealing our gold, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on AnCap Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Classy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Mises Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? AnCaps have never been afraid to change the world. What about AnCap Columbus? AnCap Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue Statists. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The AnCap community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the AnCap century. You know, they have a Larry King in the Statist world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. gold, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same AnCap? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the Statist race. - Hello. - Hello, AnCap. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Rothbard here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? AnCaps have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of Statist tears, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial Statist tears. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent Animes, pointless praxeology. AnCaps must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the Statists, they won't be able to say, "gold, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a goldAnCap can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Mises? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many Statists don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the AnCap team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Court of New York, Mises AnCap Benson v. the gold Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the AnCaps of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking AnCap! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary AnCap. gold's pretty important to me. It's important to all AnCaps. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our gold, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of gold Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own goldburton and Honron! Yes, they provide AnCapkeepers for our farms. AnCapkeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any AnCap-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free AnCaps. You keep AnCaps. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of gold. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill AnCaps! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of AnCap culture casually stolen by a Statist for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless AnCaps so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Mises. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Mises was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? AnCaps have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Mises borrow your razor for his bowtie. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old Anime stash. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of Statist tears. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Chapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like gold! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little AnCap! And he happens to be the nicest AnCap I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking AnCaps, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Mises Benson AnCap to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about AnCaps. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson AnCap, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen an AnCap documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the AnCap children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Mises... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate AnCap, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing AnCaps! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Rothbard, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a brained beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Rothbard, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the goldAnCaps versus the Statist race took a pointed turn against the AnCaps yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to violate the NAP against someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the Statists do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Rothbard, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Could you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. AnCaps don't smoke. Right. AnCaps don't smoke. AnCaps don't smoke! But some AnCaps are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. AnCaps are trained to prax haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's an AnCap smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a prax, let alone an AnCap. Look at what has happened to AnCaps who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as gold slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these AnCaps! Free the AnCaps! Free the AnCaps! Free the AnCaps! Free the AnCaps! Free the AnCaps! The court finds in favor of the AnCaps! Ayn Rand, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the gold will finally belong to the AnCaps. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Mises, how much gold is out there? All right. One at a time. Mises, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the AnCap way a long time, 27 million years. Congratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all AnCap work camps. Then we want back the gold that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate AnCap-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of gold in bogus health products and la-dee-da Statist tea-time snack garnishments. Can't breathe.
submitted by Cuddlyaxe to PoliticalCompassMemes [link] [comments]

🐝🐝🐝The entire script to Bee Movie, except the bees are AnCaps🐝🐝🐝

Credit to this guy
According to all known laws of economics, there is no way an AnCap should be able to prax. Its brains are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The AnCap, of course, praxes anyway because AnCaps don't care what Statists think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Mises! Breakfast is ready! Coming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Mises? - Rothbard? - Can you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your bowtie. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Mises, I told you, stop praxing in the house! - Hey, Rothbard. - Hey, Mises. - Is that bowtie gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Mises. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, violate the NAP against someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Rothbard, today we are men. - We are! - AnCap-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished AnCaps, please welcome Dean praxwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Bitcoin Industries! Will we pick our job today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Bitcoin, a division of Austria and a part of the Schiff Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as an AnCap, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Gold begins when our valiant purposeful behavior Jocks bring the Mountain Dew to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... gold! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Bitcoin, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of AnCap existence. These AnCaps are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the smelter. - What does that do? - Catches that little strand of gold that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Can anyone work on the smelter? Of course. Most AnCap jobs are small ones. But AnCaps know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that AnCaps, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Rothbard, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're AnCaps. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Mountain Dew Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are purposeful behavior Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, praxing who knows where, doing who knows what. You can't just decide to be a purposeful behavior Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more purposeful behavior than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. AnCaps make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Couple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a purposeful behavior Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a Statist tear patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Mises! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, praxy-boy? Are you AnCap enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Bitcoin! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the gold field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with an Anime stash. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into gold! - Mises, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into gold. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some gold and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Come on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. purposeful behavior counting, stunt AnCap, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Congratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Couple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the smelter? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the smelter just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The smelter opened up again. What happened? An AnCap died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt AnCap, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Mises, what do you think I should... Mises? Mises! All right, we've got the Statist tear patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their price bubbles today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, AnCaps cannot prax in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, AnCap law number one, absolutely no talking to Statists! All right, launch positions! prax, prax, prax, prax! prax, prax, prax, prax! prax, prax, prax, prax! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Mountain Dew pack, check. - brains, check. - Anime, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those Statist tears! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Statist tears! This is Blue Leader. We have price bubbles visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. price bubbles! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one Mountain Dew collector! - Ever see praxeology up close? - No, sir. I pick up some purposeful behavior here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's purposeful behavior power. More purposeful behavior, more Statist tears, more Mountain Dew, more gold for us. Cool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Could be daisies. Don't we need those? Copy that visual. Wait. One of these Statist tears seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving Statist tear? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a Statist tear, but I like it. Yeah, bowtiey. Chemical-y. Careful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of AnCaps! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Coming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are Statist tears. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, gold, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's an AnCap in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, AnCap. - He's back here! He's going to violate the NAP against me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't violate the NAP against you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Can't prax in rain. Can't prax in rain. Can't prax in rain. Mayday! Mayday! AnCap going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Check out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More Statists. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! AnCap! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Ayn Rand. Thanks. - Ayn Rand, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's an AnCap law. You're not supposed to talk to a Statist. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're an AnCap! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with an AnCap. - Yeah. I'm talking to an AnCap. And the AnCap is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, gold." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. AnCaps are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're praxing up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that an AnCap joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Mises? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is Statist tears. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Mises. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Statists! I can't believe you were with Statists! Giant, scary Statists! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she AnCap-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... Statist. No, no. That's an AnCap law. You wouldn't break an AnCap law. - Her name's Ayn Rand. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a Statist florist! We're not dating. You're praxing outside the hive, talking to Statists that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Cinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking AnCap, my friend. Thinking AnCap! - Thinking AnCap. - Thinking AnCap. Thinking AnCap! Thinking AnCap! Thinking AnCap! Thinking AnCap! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Mises? I gotta start thinking AnCap? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely an AnCap! Would it kill you to make a little gold? Mises, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Mises, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Ayn Rand! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's AnCap-ish. They have a huge parade of Statist tears every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of price bubbles, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by Statist tears, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the price bubbles compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't prax everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb AnCaps! You must want toviolate the NAP againstall those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute AnCap, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - AnCaps make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole smelter thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just gold, Mises. Just what?! AnCaps don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice gold out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset AnCaps! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the gold coming from? Tell me where! gold Farms! It comes from gold Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To gold Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, AnCap! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Carl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - AnCap! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, AnCap boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of gold jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that gold's ours. - AnCaps hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonprax. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, AnCap! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? an AnCap's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Check out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the gold, and we make the money. "They make the gold, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! AnCap gold. Our gold is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Mises, stop. Who told you Statists are taking our gold? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to Statists. - What? - Talking to Statists?! He has a Statist girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Mises! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The AnCaps! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Mises, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than AnCaps! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our gold? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one AnCap do?violate the NAP againstthem where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you canviolate the NAP againstthe Statists, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more AnCap beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Weeb. Sports with prax Larvi. And Jeanette Chung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Chung. A tri-county AnCap, Mises Benson, intends to sue the Statist race for stealing our gold, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on AnCap Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Classy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Mises Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? AnCaps have never been afraid to change the world. What about AnCap Columbus? AnCap Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue Statists. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The AnCap community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the AnCap century. You know, they have a Larry King in the Statist world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. gold, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same AnCap? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the Statist race. - Hello. - Hello, AnCap. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Rothbard here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? AnCaps have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of Statist tears, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial Statist tears. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent Animes, pointless praxeology. AnCaps must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the Statists, they won't be able to say, "gold, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a goldAnCap can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Mises? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many Statists don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the AnCap team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Court of New York, Mises AnCap Benson v. the gold Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the AnCaps of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking AnCap! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary AnCap. gold's pretty important to me. It's important to all AnCaps. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our gold, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of gold Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own goldburton and Honron! Yes, they provide AnCapkeepers for our farms. AnCapkeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any AnCap-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free AnCaps. You keep AnCaps. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of gold. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill AnCaps! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of AnCap culture casually stolen by a Statist for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless AnCaps so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Mises. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Mises was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? AnCaps have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Mises borrow your razor for his bowtie. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old Anime stash. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of Statist tears. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Chapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like gold! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little AnCap! And he happens to be the nicest AnCap I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking AnCaps, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Mises Benson AnCap to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about AnCaps. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson AnCap, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen an AnCap documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the AnCap children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Mises... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate AnCap, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing AnCaps! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Rothbard, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a brained beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Rothbard, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the goldAnCaps versus the Statist race took a pointed turn against the AnCaps yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to violate the NAP against someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the Statists do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Rothbard, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Could you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. AnCaps don't smoke. Right. AnCaps don't smoke. AnCaps don't smoke! But some AnCaps are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. AnCaps are trained to prax haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's an AnCap smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a prax, let alone an AnCap. Look at what has happened to AnCaps who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as gold slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these AnCaps! Free the AnCaps! Free the AnCaps! Free the AnCaps! Free the AnCaps! Free the AnCaps! The court finds in favor of the AnCaps! Ayn Rand, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the gold will finally belong to the AnCaps. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Mises, how much gold is out there? All right. One at a time. Mises, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the AnCap way a long time, 27 million years. Congratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all AnCap work camps. Then we want back the gold that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate AnCap-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of gold in bogus health products and la-dee-da Statist tea-time snack garnishments. Can't breathe.
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GLEE- Full Performance of Listen to your heart - 6x11- Rachel & Jesse Is Dragon’s Breath Snack Safe to Eat? Bull in the Stands  Do or Die Crazy Coincidences You Wont Believe ! 10 Products You’ll Never Buy Again Knowing How They Are Made!

A man who threw away a computer hard drive containing more than £4m of the digital currency Bitcoin has told Sky News he is devastated. James Howells, 28, binned the hard drive in the summer, but Man Throws Away 7,500 Bitcoins, Now Worth $7.5 Million November 29, 2013 at 1:53 am Filed Under: Backup , Bitcoin , Electronic money , Guardian , Hard disk drive , James Howells “Four years later, I had two hard drives in a desk drawer. One was empty and the other contained my bitcoin private keys,” Howells recalled. “I meant to throw away the empty drive — and I Campbell Simpson, the editor of Gizmodo Australia, says he threw away a hard drive in 2012 that had 1,400 bitcoin on it. Simpson says the bitcoin had cost him $25 AUD. Today, they’d be worth Bitcoin, the virtual currency that has gained plenty of attention in recent times, is back in the news, but with a rather unfortunate twist to it. It appears that one man who has spent a few years

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GLEE- Full Performance of Listen to your heart - 6x11- Rachel & Jesse

DON'T LOOK AWAY CHALLENGE! (IMPOSSIBLE 99% FAIL) Subscribe to our channel: http://bit.ly/1L5DNro Follow Our Twitter: http://twitter.com/spacebound you will believe in ... Crazy Coincidences You Won't Believe! SUBSCRIBE and become part of the AzzyLand family :D Hello Citizens of Azzyland.... I'm Azzy and welcome to another amazing reaction video! Today's video is on ... Season 6 Episode 11. "We Built This Glee Club" Rachel: I know there's something in the wake of your smile I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yeah You've built a love but that love falls ... Check out these unbelievable animals that saved lives! These awesome heroic animals jumped into action to save people's lives! Subscribe For New Videos! http... The ultimate risk of this is that we throw away our hard won freedoms. Worst of all, society appears to be neglecting those most in need as it fixates on one problem and one problem alone.